One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
