Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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