i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
