Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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