did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
