The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
