but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
