i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize