Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
