I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
