I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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