i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
