Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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