i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
