True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
