im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
