Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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