When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
