how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
