Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
