just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
