I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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