WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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