I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
