Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
