I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
