You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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