mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
