Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
