oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
