I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
