my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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