lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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