chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
