Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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