You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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