We're facebook friends in real life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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