If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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