I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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