I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
