i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
