so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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