Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
