so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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