Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
