everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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