In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
