Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
