I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize