and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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