Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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