we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
