Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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