Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
