We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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