I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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