I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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