I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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