1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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