I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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