everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
