can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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