ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
