I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He did a backflip because drugs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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