the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
