He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
