so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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