GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
