Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
