i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
