Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
