No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
