maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
